Sup? So I've been threatening to come out of web-tirement for a few months now but, life kept getting in the way and we will get to that later!
I was having a really rough morning. I was work-a-cidal meaning I was dying to get home. No shade to my job, it was just difficult returning to work after spending a wonderful weekend with my loved ones plus I was sleepy and hangry. Not to mention, it's been a craptastic week in pop culture. Between shower rod sex, housewives fighting and racist team owners, I needed some good news. And at 8:10 my Lord delivered.
For real, for real, I wept. Real tears when I heard about Beyonce and Jay-Z touring together. For those of you who aren't down with the Carters, follow the ushers and they will show you to the exits to the left, to the left.
If you know me, you know I've been waiting for this since Skippy was a puppy. This is my Super Bowl. These are my Olympics, this is the mother trucking CARTER FAMILY ON TOUR!!!
My friend/co-worker told me the news and my response was too colorful to repost (my momma reads this) but let's just say I lost every ounce of chill the I was blessed with.
Y'all just don't know. When the rumors started circulating, I threw some change in my Bey Bank and I am so glad I did! Tickets are on sale tomorrow for Beehive stans like myself and I am throwing all my coins at Queen Bey. And let's face it, they don't need my change, when Blue Ivy is walking around like this:
Point is, I'm over the moon and I'm ready for this concert! I've seen them separately but never together. I thought about posting the tour schedule on here but I don't need no competition when I'm placing my order. Y'all are on ya own! Until then, just know that I am going to do whatever it takes to get to this show. If you know anyone looking for part time help, a kidney, some lady eggs, just holla at me ok? And to quote Nettie Harris from The Color Purple, when it comes to the On The Run Tour:
Today’s my Oprah-versary! If you don’t get down with Lady O
you might want to tap out right now because this post is all about my experience
on Lifeclass one year ago.
Remember how I wrote an entry about going to see Oprah’sLifeclass then I fell off the blogosphere? It is because I couldn’t find the
words to express what the experience was like.
Since I was a little girl Oprah was my person. Not an idol
or role model, she was my person. That person who I thought truly got me and
embodied the values, dreams and passions that fed my soul. Yes I had passion
and an interest in my soul at an early age. Don’t believe me? Ask my momma.
I never had the guts to even attempt to be on her show. I
would sit back and watch all the Favorite Things episodes and the Live Your
Best Life shows from my couch wishing I was there to witness and participate in
the work that was being done there.
I call it work because lives were changed
on that show. People worked through their issues in front of millions in hope
of moving forward and getting through the emotional mental and sometimes
physical gunk of life. I’ve been working on me so hard and for so long I think
I deserve a W-2!
I didn’t think I was worthy. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t
that I thought I wasn’t worthy to be in her presence, it was more like, “Why
me? I’m not that special. My story isn’t that interesting.” So I sat back for
25 seasons and never sent one letter or email to get on the show (until the
final season when all I wanted was a ticket to the grand finale.)
Over the last 15 years, life has been indescribable. Not all
bad, but the struggle was REAL. Failed relationships (romantic, platonic,
professional and family,) financial issues, health issues and insecurities
played a major role in my inability to live my best life.
On the flip side, my
career was taking off, I bought a home, I had a wonderful circle of friends and
the most important person in my life, my mother was always a phone call away.
Things were back and forth, up and down all over the place and bittersweet.
It took a while but I
finally got on the path to feeling “worthy.” I began to travel, I went on trips
and vacations with loved ones. I cultivated meaningful and healthy relationships. But while everything seemed to be all good on
the outside, I was hiding a HUGE secret. I was miserable. I was depressed. I
was pissed off because I finally knew my worth yet I wasn’t living a life that
was worthy of me! I know it sounds confusing, but it’s my truth.
I was so afraid of confessing my feelings because I didn’t
think anyone would get it. My job is to be funny and upbeat 5 hours a day 5
days a week. Being a Debbie Downer was not an option so I put on my happy mask
and cracked jokes. I ignored the aches of my heart and soldiered on with my day
Dewaynia getting the coveted tickets!
Fast forward to March 2012. Oprah’s Lifeclass went on tour
and I scored tickets with my sister-friend Dewaynia. You can read all about
that here. When I learned about the topic “Living your life on purpose,” I was
beyond excited. I knew something was off and I knew something was missing but I
didn’t know how to express it or pursue it.
I want to go through and give you all a play by play of the
trip, the outfit and the entire show but I know y’all have stuff to do so I’m
going to get to the good.
Like my outfit?
The show was 2 hours long and for 90 minutes various people
stood up and spoke on how they found the courage to let go of their pasts to
pursue their dreams. I started to feel a certain kind of way.
Why was it so easy for everyone else to pop up and tell
Oprah about how they quit their jobs, let go of fear to find their purpose.
Sorry I got bills, I don’t have a financial back up plan. I wanted to know how
to get my happy!
So during a commercial break I looked at my friend Dewaynia
and I said, “I’m not feeling this. I am not getting the answers I need.” It
wasn’t that TD Jakes and the other guests weren’t effective, it was just that I
needed some specifics. So while Oprah sat on stage getting her hair and makeup
retouched, I stood up and said “I have a question!”
What the what? Why did I do that? What if I ticked off Oprah
by yelling at her? I was frozen with fear and hope and the same time. As soon
as the words escaped my lips, Oprah replied “You in the pretty yellow dress, we
will come to you after commercial.”
Huh? That’s all it took? I’ve been waiting 25 years to talk
to you and now I’m about to be on TV after standing up during commercial break?
Me? One in a thousand? Lifeclass got
real. A guy with a microphone came my way, a stage hand made me step up on a
wooden box (I’m kinda short) and I stood there waiting for my moment. Then this
Audience Q&A: How Do You Find the Courage to Follow Your Purpose?
During a live taping in St. Louis, an audience member asks how to push past fear to find your purpose. Find out why Bishop T.D. Jakes says baby steps and resisting your fear will help you live the life you've dreamed about.
Did y’all just see that? Me talking to Oprah and TD Jakes?
Crying on national television and telling the world that I needed more and that
I was afraid? I’ve had people ask me why I was crying and if it was because I
was talking to Oprah. No, that wasn’t it. I cried when I met her at Sweetie Pie’s
the day before.
These were tears of relief and hope. I wanted to share my
secret and I wanted help! Just like Ricky Bobby said. “Help me Oprah Wini-frey!” Side note, if you haven't seen this video PLEASE watch Dewaynia's retelling of "The Day We Met Oprah"
I asked that question and I zoned out. I heard their replies
but I wasn’t really capable of processing the words. I had just confessed on
national television that I was afraid to pursue my dreams and my heart’s
desire. Deidre “I got this” James unedited and on Front Street.
I haven’t watched this clip in its entirety until today. The
truth hurts! What is wrong with me and why can’t I ask for what I want? The one thing I took from that moment was
Rev. T.D. Jakes saying “Resist your fear and your faith will get bigger. You
either resist your fear or give up your destiny.”
So here we are, one year later. Did I do it? Did I resist my
fears? YES I DID!
See, I learned your purpose isn’t always your paycheck. I
was conflicted because I loved my job but something was missing. Who am I
kidding, it wasn’t something, I knew exactly what it was! So I applied for a volunteer position with an
organization that made my heart sing. I was accepted into their program and for
the next 6 months I lived a life that brought me so much joy and purpose that if
I never do anything else, I would be ok because I made so many connections and
I made a difference in my community.
Yes I’m funny, but honey, don’t think I
can’t run the world. I put it down and I was successful. I didn’t do it alone,
my friends and family helped tremendously and I would not have made it through
that time without them.
It was scary and I took many risks and I loved every second
of it. It was something I did for me. It had nothing to do with my career, my
friends or anything else. I took a chance and it paid off big time. Those super close to me know the details of
my journey and that’s how it should be. I resisted my fear and my faith carried
me through one of the most trying and rewarding times of my life.
Now don’t think that I’m done. Nope, I’m not even close. I’m
not done fighting those fears. When something or someone is important to you,
you have to face your fears and deal with it. Maybe you’re afraid to pursue a
hobby like dancing, or maybe you’re afraid to tell someone you love them.
Whatever it is, resist that fear! It is a prison and I refuse to live that
So thank you Oprah, TD Jakes and especially Dewaynia. I’m
done with fear and I will live in my truth as often as I can for as long as I
can. I’m fearless. I’m a fighter and I have faith and that makes me
unstoppable. When I forget it that I am
all those things, I have an awesome circle of loved ones who remind me that I
got this! We all have it in us, and we are WORTHY. Don’t waste any time
thinking you’re not.