Hello, my name is Deidre and I am guilty of a perpetrating a fashion faux pas. No, I didn’t mix a fanny pack with a track suit or high water acid washed jeans. My friends, I’ve been rocking a very hideous pair of bossy pants and let me tell you, they are not flattering!
See, my regular pants haven’t felt all that great lately. No matter what I pair with them, I just can’t seem to find the right look; I’m not feeling like myself. I’ve been going through some changes and what do most women do when they need a pick me up? They go shopping!
Instead of buying a decent pair of safe, comfy sensible pants, I decided to splurge on the most outlandish, Project Runway rejected, ill-fitting pair of bossy pants I could find.
When I put them on, I knew immediately that they weren’t me, but I felt the need to keep them on, work ‘em and see if I could own the look.
Big mistake! Bossy pants aren’t cute on anyone and when you wear them around people and try to force them to like your new look, you end up looking lame.
I’m sure some of you are wondering what the heck I’m talking about. What I’m trying to communicate is I have been in control mode. Not the Ike Turner, “eat the cake Anna Mae” controlling...
More dreamy Backstreet Boys “I Want It That Way” controlling.
Tell me why??
When things fall apart and you are trying to navigate your way through the ick, sometimes you feel the need to be the decider and you want things to happen on your terms and on your time. Well how selfish is that?
The worst part is when things did not go my way I threw mini-hissy fits. Nothing major but on a scale of one to Chris Brown, I’d say I was at a 3.
I’ve been practicing The Four Agreements and one of them is “Don’t take anything personally.” I SUCK at that. I am all heart and when I hear “no” or “not right now” I take it to mean “Yuck, you suck, ain’t nobody got time for you!”
That’s when the brain should kick in and say “Dude, chill it’s not about you, people have stuff to do!” Lame right? I know, I know you don’t have to tell me. I get it.
When you experience a series of disappointments sometimes your logical self goes out the window and your bossy- self steps in and tries to make things better by controlling situations. I mean y’all have no idea how many no’s I’ve had to accept the last few weeks.
People working on my house, trying to buy my wine, trying scheduling meetings, trying to buy large amounts of wine that's not in stock, seeing friends, not having my usual amount of wine.
I kept hearing No, I can’t. That won’t work for me, or let’s reschedule. Your wine is not here. It’s was like that Destiny’s Child song. No, not the one about the bills, the other one from back back in the day. “No No No”.
So when I heard the most recent no I went straight to the store and bought those ugly bossy pants. I was determined to turn that no into a yes! Why? Well because I was being lame. I took the no personally. Light bulb moment Miss James, it’s not always about you!
I have a very hard time saying no to people. For example this is a conversation I have all the time:
Friend: Wanna go out to eat?
Me: Naw, I have some leftovers and an episode of The Following I need to suffer through
Friend: Come on! It’ll be good
Me: No for real. I think Kevin Bacon will bust into a break dance sequence this episode
Friend: I’m on my way, we’re going to eat
Me: Ok…* pauses the DVR, throws on pleasing pants
Friend: Hey can you do me a favor? I’m hosting an event to raise awareness for juvenile diabetes in the African American community. It’s called Sweet Brown Sugar Babies for Change. Will you come out?
Me: Oh wow that’s great but I don’t think I can make it
Friend: What? Do you hate your own people? What about the Sugar Babies?
Me: Can I just write a check?
Friend: No, that’s fine. Just don’t worry about it.
Me: No, I will be there. What’s the attire? *eats cupcake and throws on pleasing pants
So basically I’m a pleaser, and when people don’t make the same efforts to please me, I get offended and usually it’s the people who don’t ask much of me who see me strutting around in my bossy pants. That’s not fair at all is it?
A wise woman (Oprah) once said, “No is a complete sentence.” When someone says “no” that is the end of the conversation! Why go back and forth? It’s disrespectful and controlling. And just because I’ve been dealing with people who don’t understand that my no means no, doesn’t mean I get to tell unsuspecting and undeserving friends that their no’s don’t matter. Know what I’m saying?
So the next time someone tells you no and you try to change their mind, remember they know themselves and their needs way better than you do! It’s uncomfortable and it’s awkward. It doesn’t make you a good friend, it makes you a bully.
I’m very happy to say I’ve learned my lesson and I am taking off these ugly bossy pants. They don’t suit me and I know I look much better in my sensible sassy pants. Feel better? I know I do. What's that? You want me to post a link to Kevin Bacon dancing?
OKAY! How can I say no to that?
Until next time :)